When I was a child I was afraid that I would spontaneously combust.

I don't really remember why, I just remember that I had heard that sometimes people spontaneously combusted, and if it happened to other people, there was a chance it could happen to me. I had seen pictures in a book of paranormal phenomena, pictures of tiny charred areas where a person once sat. Everything is untouched except for those places the person touched. Everything else is fine. I thought I was going to be like that.

I kept a glass of water beside my bed, just in case. I knew if I was going to spontaneously combust there would be no time to pour a glass of water on myself. I guess I thought that if I started feeling unnaturally hot I could dump the water on myself. But one glass of water wouldn't go very far.

I also started knocking on wood. I was very systematic about it. I would start to feel afraid and then I would tell myself that everything was going to be ok. Then I would have to knock on wood. But maybe I would think I had knocked on wood one too many times. What I would have to do is, I would have to wait a second and then knock on wood again so that I wouldn't have jinxed myself the first time.

What I am saying is, there was a time when I didn't want to die at all.